Wednesday, October 6, 2010

This one's for J...still into you

I screwed up.  I'm sorry.  You're one of my best friends.  You've been a friend to me when so many others gave up.  Everything you said tonight was true.  I haven't been considerate.  You've had every right to be frustrated.

But one thing you said isn't wasn't a waste.  Remember when you flew me out to L.A. for approximately 24 hours for the rose bowl...and I'm sure in a lot of ways by the end of GRS it seemed like a waste.  But it wasn't.  Because I still fell for you.  It may have taken longer than you expected, but...I gave into your schemes =).

Well, now things are different.  I found someone new.  I like him so's crazy.  He treats you always have.  He cares about me.  He puts my needs before his own.  But he sees the world like I do.  I know you got over me a long time ago.  You got over me before I got over you.  Maybe I'm still not over you.  But you're better without me.  I've never treated you well.  I'll treat him well.  For your sake...and for his.

J, you've gotten me through some of the toughest times of my life.  You've made me want to live when I didn't want to.  I thank God for you.  I'm listening to "our song" on repeat as I write this.  Tears are streaming down my face.  I'm so sorry.  I know those are just empty words, but one day I'll make it up to you.  I promise.  You may not see the return on your investment today...but eventually you will.  You've listened.  You've cared.  You've called.  You've loved me.  And I do love you.  But I have to do it afar now.

Please try to understand.  I know you will.  You always get me...but not all of me.  He does.  I'm happy J.  Happier than I've ever been in my life.  You helped me get here.  One day I'll give you the recog you've always deserved.  I'll miss you.  I wish I could take it all back.  I wish I could show you what you mean to me.  I wish I could redo the time we've had together.  I would have taken time to listen and not just talk.  I would have kept my boundaries.  I would have done the little things to make you feel special and let you know I cared.  I wouldn't have taken you for granted.  Sure it was fun...but I wasn't respecting you...and I wasn't respecting myself.  I've found someone who respects me.  He's willing to wait.

Maybe if I had acted like Christ, you would have been able to see Him.  Maybe you would have believed.  But I'll have to trust that He brings someone else into your life that does a better job of showing that He cares for you.  I regret how I've treated you more than anything else in my life.  I can't undo the past.  But I've got to step into the future.  It's bright...there are so many good things ahead for both of us.  You'll find a girl who treats you well.  You'll find you're  She'll have everything you liked about a heart.  I believe in you.  I'm rooting for you.  I know we'll meet again.  Until then, I'll take everything you taught me with me.  How to treat people well.  Relationships are worth getting over things for.  I'll find people to give to that don't give back...and I'll do it for you.  I only wish it could be with you...

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