Wednesday, December 29, 2010

June, like the month

I made a new friend today while working.  Work has been so hard lately, and I've been stressed out beyond belief because of my lack of sales and money.  And going to work has been...a very big challenge.  I'm an independent contractor, and although I have managers and accountability, it's up to me to get-er-done.  And just to give you an idea, I should be at a sales conference this week in Miami...but I missed hitting it by one client.  And I want be in Kansas City for a prayer conference...but I didn't think I should take any more time off.  My weekend trip to Michigan also got cancelled.  So I drag myself to work today...dreading... resenting... ungrateful.

And then I met June.  She is 85 and was a piano teacher for 40 years (and married for more than 50 I believe).  She is one of the happiest people I have ever met.  She is full of life, energy and opinions, mostly about God and how to be a good Christian...and I can't get enough of them!  Here is this woman who has walked the talk for the last 85 years of her life and it's working for her.  She tells me that she has never been lonely since telling God to take over...and she's been a widow FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS!  She gardens, she lives alone, and although she has never had children, she has many serogates through teaching.  She listens to Moody Bible Institute radio all day and will recommend a preacher for every topic.  She told me the three things she always told her students were don't give up, don't get mad, and don't run away.  She told me she is praying that her knees get better.  At the end of the day, she told me she didn't need doctors (or insurance for that matter) because she had God.  So we prayed for her knees and my attitude instead.  God, thank you for my new friend June.  June, like the month, she said.

Friday, December 24, 2010

My Bu

So...I've mentioned him a few times...and after the horribly depressing blog from yesterday, I figured, now that the storm has calmed a little, that I should try and focus on a HUGE blessing...and my boyfriend is definitely been one of the biggest blessings of the year.

Without getting a gag reflex, I just think it is about time I went public with my new favorite boy.

His name is Jean.  We met through a mutual friend.  He's a physical trainer.  He helped me train for my first half marathon this past summer which was a huge landmark for me--I was able to raise over $500 for microfinance, 2 other friends did it with me and raised money also, and I had one of my best sales months of my career around that time. 

He did two triathalons this last summer, a half iron man, which I was not able to attend, and an olympic distance which I did.

So my friend Yvonne and I are suppose to go running just the two of us, and she invites her friend Jean, without telling me...I'm annoyed.  I don't really talk to him at first.  But he is nice, gives me running tips, and invites me to start training with him and this other girl he is training.  I don't.  But he now has my number from Yvonne.  So he starts offering to run with me in the mornings.  And eventually I start letting him...but only when I can't find anyone else to run with. 

Eventually, he starts picking me up at 6 am most mornings and driving me to the lakefront to run.  And you can get to know someone fairly well spending the first hour of the day with him 3 days a week or so.  He invites me to lunch with him...then ends up blowing me off to hang out with another girl.  I'm pretty mad, but I figure it's just as well, it just means we are going to stay friends.

I go to his triathalon.  He comes to my half-marathon.  After that we start biking together, and talking about taking a bike trip and canoing.  Then one day he kisses me on the cheek.  I'm totally thrown for a loop.  What was that?  I go to my friends wedding that night, dance the night away with my friends and a different guy, but am definitely thinking about Jean.  We spend the whole next day together, he takes me out to lunch this time (and appologizes for last time--says he thought I was just another pretty face...whatever that means) and go to a pumpkin patch with friends.  That night is my friend's suprise birthday party.  He comes out, we dance, the next day go see my grandma.  He tells me that is when he decided that he was 100% going to go for it--when he met her.  My grandma says she never knew she was such a matchmaker (she also told me that it's a good thing I have a pretty face when I told her about the blowoff...Oh Gramma, I love you).  We walk around the country club my grandparents were a part of for 40+ years and have the RDT (relationship defining talk).

And since then, he's been making me the happies girl ever when we're together.  I would say this has been the worst 3 months and the best 3 months...the worst because of being sick so much, work, financial stress and the loss of a dear friendship.  The best because of Ireland...and Jean.  He loves to cook for me.  He's given me one of his bikes (he's only about an inch taller than me, so all his stuff fits me), one of his snowboards (he's planning to teach me), and he's gonna train me for the triathalon this next year.  I laugh so hard every time I'm with him.  He always drives, and often will drop me off and pick me up just to spend extra time together.  He's one of the most giving people I have ever met.  He use to be in IT, but has been pursuing this career being a physical trainer for the last 2 years, and he's starting to really make it, and I'm so proud of him.

He helped me through hell day yesterday, which I bawled my way through (poor guy) driving me from one place to the next to help me get my car out of the impound.  Christmas eve we're going to mass (he's catholic) and then getting up super early to deliver gifts and food to children and the elderly.  Then he's gonna come home and do Christmas with my family.

So that's the story...thanks for reading!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

A Lament

Why God?  Why do days like this even exist?  Why the flu, why being sick a whole other week, 4 out of 12 now?  Why does everyone who works for the city have to be rude, hardened, and totally unconcerned with anyone's lives they are ruining?  Why does it cost $400 AT CHRISTMAS to get your car towed?  Why during the worst cramps of my life? 

You told me to come to you, and I am.  I'm here.  Waiting.  I've said my bit.  There's so much more, but for now it can wait.  All I know is that for now you can take it.  You hear me.  You're not say You love me.  I'm not too opinionated, too blunt, too inconsiderate, too much of a mess, too dysfunctional for you.  So I'll turn to you.  I'll keep turning to you.  One day maybe it will all make sense.  One day maybe I'll see that You did use me for something. 

Beauty From PainThe lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know i'm alive but i feel like i've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that i made
I try to keep warm but i just grow colder
I feel like i'm slipping away

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best i can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though i can't understand why this happened
I know that i will when i look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here i am, at the end of me
Tryin to hold to what i can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain